Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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