There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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