I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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