So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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