i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
