You're so nebulous sometimes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
