Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
