Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
