I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
