my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
