What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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