we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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