At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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