so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
