last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
