i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
