my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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