I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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