2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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