Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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