I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize