real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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