I just made out with a guy for $7.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need water and some morals
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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