chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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