I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
