My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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