well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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