I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
