He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
