the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Congratulations! We have a period
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
