Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's Friday. Sex?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
COCAINE IS GR8
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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