Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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