hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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