oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
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Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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