i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you will always have a special place in my vag
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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