we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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