I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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