I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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