when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Screwed.edu
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
