Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
