I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
