Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
