is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
