Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
