did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My life is pants optional.
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