Is it because I queefed?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
