I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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