I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
