You just made me feel so damn special
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
