Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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