I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
