so explain again why im purple
no
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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