Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
