I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
