You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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