i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
