I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
