the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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