Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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