I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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