the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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