It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
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The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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