I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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