If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
