Four minutes until I can fart!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
as a side note pls kill me
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