I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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