Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
