2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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