I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
