I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He did a backflip because drugs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
