It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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