the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
