walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I won the penis lottery.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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