When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
