Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You guys are open that late?

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  (703): Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges." (610): You guys are open that late? http://tfl.nu/gb5t
  Replies (17) Good night (829) Bad night (3800)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college

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  (651): i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college http://tfl.nu/vjhh
  Replies (37) Good night (6680) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made

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  (609): she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made http://tfl.nu/a7md
  Replies (46) Good night (1111) Bad night (6575) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.

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  (702): Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies. http://tfl.nu/viog
  Replies (7) Good night (3773) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?

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  (770): If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way? http://tfl.nu/2yix
  Replies (7) Good night (4084) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.

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  (859): They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college. http://tfl.nu/okdu
  Replies (6) Good night (3901) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello

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  (585): Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello http://tfl.nu/squi
  Replies (17) Good night (881) Bad night (9480) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud

  (917): View more from New York City

  it's sad that this is a milestone

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  (347): today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud (917): it's sad that this is a milestone http://tfl.nu/b89x
  Replies (11) Good night (1709) Bad night (2507)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.

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  (719): You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job. http://tfl.nu/yqtc
  Replies (19) Good night (3221) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.

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  (770): To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present. http://tfl.nu/n1ow
  Replies (8) Good night (763) Bad night (2236) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  well in DOG beers, i've only had one

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  (717): well in DOG beers, i've only had one http://tfl.nu/2mnf
  Replies (20) Good night (5303) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.

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  (204): We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day. http://tfl.nu/b3rk
  Replies (15) Good night (3656) Bad night (521)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied

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  (901): She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied http://tfl.nu/t1al
  Replies (7) Good night (1087) Bad night (466)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.

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  (914): I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all. http://tfl.nu/vbbe
  Replies (4) Good night (1443) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you

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  (586): I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you http://tfl.nu/0vyd
  Replies (4) Good night (1063) Bad night (219) Order T-Shirt

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