My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later