Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose