Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
