I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.